If you don’t know yet whether you’re a Harvey Keitel or a Lucille Ball…

Did you know Harvey Keitel auditioned for the Actors Studio eight years in a row before he was finally accepted? Not only did he get in — he eventually served on the board. Fred Astaire was once told, “You can’t sing, you can’t act, you can dance a little.” Decca Records rejected the Beatles. Lucille Ball was labeled “too shy” and encouraged to try another profession. Beverly Sills was turned down repeatedly by Rudolf Bing at the Metropolitan Opera before she finally made her debut there.

The list of “not good enough” stories from legendary artists is long.

And I’m guessing you’re exhaling a tiny sigh of relief — the kind that whispers, There is hope. If they could keep going, maybe I can too.

In a Backstage article (Nov. 29, 2012), Amy Jo Berman wrote “26 Reasons Why You Didn’t Get the Part” — even when your audition was fantastic and everyone in the room loved you. Her point is simple: most reasons have nothing to do with your talent.

As a casting director, she’s seen it all. You might be too tall or too short, too thin or too heavy, too similar to someone else in the cast, or you might remind the producer of his sister — and he can’t stand his sister. You might be too funny, or not funny enough. You’ll walk out of the audition, phone in hand, waiting for a callback that never comes, and because you don’t know why, the negative chatter begins:

“I thought I did great… maybe I’m not good enough?”

So how do you stop that spiral when the phone stays silent? How do you keep from feeling hurt, disappointed, rejected, or insecure — especially when someone else’s phone is ringing?

Even when it’s out of your control, it still feels personal.

Acting teacher Anthony Meindl offered a simple tool in his Backstage article (Nov. 27, 2012): Stop. Drop. And Roll… into a better thought. Easier said than done, of course — but absolutely possible.

We don’t know what Harvey Keitel told himself after his sixth or seventh rejection. We don’t know what Fred Astaire felt after being dismissed, or how Lucille Ball handled being called “too shy.” We only know that they kept going. Beverly Sills eventually walked onto the Met stage — after Bing left.

But if your self-esteem starts wobbling because your phone isn’t ringing, and you can’t silence the inner critic — even with all the logic in the world — what then?

Well, oboists make reeds. Singers and actors audition. It’s part of the profession. So here you are, preparing for the next one. You cannot let a past disappointment make you shrink or play safe. You must build your power from within — and you cannot build inner strength on self‑doubt.

You express your inner world to the outer world. If you want others to like, love, and respect you, you must begin with yourself.

Look in the mirror and say: “I like myself. I love myself. I respect myself.” Awkward? Perfect. Growth often begins in awkwardness. (Shad Helmstetter, a pioneering researcher in the field of self‑talk was the first to identify how the specific words and phrases we repeat to ourselves act as a form of mental programming that directs our behavior and long‑term success. By consciously replacing old mental programming with intentional, positive self‑talk, you can reshape your mindset, your habits, and your life direction).

Make a list of everything you appreciate about yourself and read it aloud daily. You need inspiration, confidence, and belief in your capabilities if you want to stay resilient.

Now, remember a moment when you were at your absolute best — a moment of success, pride, or joy. It doesn’t matter if it was on a big stage, in a school gym, or in your living room. Feel that sensation again. Shakespeare wrote, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”

You can dwell on the smallness of that memory and feel discouraged… or you can dwell on its power and feel capable.

Your unconscious mind cannot distinguish between a real experience and one you vividly recall — or even one you imagine. And it stores what you feed it. The more often you relive your successes, the more confident you become. You attract in the outer world what you believe in your inner world.

That is your power.

Audrey Hepburn said, “Nothing is impossible. The word itself says ‘I’m possible.’” So don’t give up. You might be a Harvey, a Lucille, a Fred, a Beverly — or an Audrey — in the making.

Wilma Wever Performance EmPowering, NYC December 2012